I do nothing

I do nothing
The last time I remember was when I received my first bucket
until now I did nothing
I just breathe, so I'm still alive.
"Alive"?
I'm not sure.

I still keep the flower until now.
So I know how useless I am.

The flower has withered and dark
but stay standing, not even fall
I should learn from it.

Only this time I felt hollow
I try to create my own happiness, as someone said to me
but not as beautiful as the real happiness
I had to go to get it

I tried to break the silence in my life
with a run on hobbies or creating a new hobby
but it makes me bored
because this is not what I want *maybe*
So what?

I was struggling
but people don't see it
I fall up accordingly
but no one knows
I'm sweating
but no one noticed
because I just sit and relax
I burned
but no one is panicking
because I immediately treat my wounds
I fear
*not proven*
I cry
it should look in my eyes

I don't understand myself
No!
I really understand myself
therefore I'm very careful about her

I'm talking like I was two people
I'm just one.
I am Kharisma Widyastuti

*ceritanya lagi latihan bahasa inggris